Recently I began working on an art mapping project that would focus on a transgender issue. At first I was thinking of mapping trans deaths as the result of hate crimes, but I eventually decided to focus solely on the story of Lawrence King’s murder. The project is still in progress, but let me share with you some background on this tragedy: Lawrence King was a 15 year old boy who was fatally shot by fellow classmate Brandon McInerney on February 12, 2008 at E.O. Green Junior High in Oxnard, CA. Lawrence was known in school to be an effeminate boy who self-identified as gay and had an increasing affinity for wearing feminine clothes. Apparently McInerney had shot him as a response to being highly embarrassed; Lawrence had been hitting on him recently, in front of his friends, and apparently that didn’t sit well.

There’s been a lot of debate about whether this killing was indeed a hate crime (due to the ages of those involved and the fact that both came from deeply troubled backgrounds). McInerney has yet to be sentenced, though at the time of this writing he will be tried as an adult. It’s been reported that Lawrence was bullying the shooter, pushing his sexuality in his face to gain attention. Additionally, Lawrence’s foster father Greg King has even expressed discomfort about the media making Lawrence into a “poster child for gay rights” and reportedly has said that he doesn’t believe Lawrence was actually gay. His foster parents are now trying to sue the shelter Casa Pacifica (Lawrence had been living there for the last four months of his life); they believe that by encouraging Lawrence to express his sexuality, they put him in danger. Wow.

When I first heard the news of Lawrence King’s death, it hit home for me – beyond the fact that he was tragically killed and at such a young age. At the time of the shooting I’d been living in Los Angeles and working my way through my own coming-out/realization process (which coincided with a turbulent divorce, so needless to say, it was an extremely rough time). Though I don’t identify as trans per say (more on my thoughts of our culture’s gender binary later), and don’t know what it’s like to have that kind of challenge, I do know the challenge of trying to be myself while encountering ignorance and hatred for my authenticity. Frankly, it sucks. I have a heart for those whose authentic selves – and their journey towards authenticity – shine not just inside, but also on the outside. Trans and non-hetero folks who have to carefully navigate through our culture of fear and encounter abuse for just trying to be genuine…well, that seems to me like wearing one’s heart on one’s sleeve and then getting repeatedly punched, kicked and shot in the arm.

What I know for sure is that this case, this murder is so very sad to me; not only because it happened, but because Lawrence will never know what it is like to live in a public community of acceptance. It saddens me because Brandon McInerney was able to get to a point of such hatred. It saddens me because we live in a world where suffering abuse for being transgendered, transsexual and/or non-heterosexual is often looked upon as normal. It saddens me because gender and sexual variations are so incredibly misunderstood by the masses. A classmate of Lawrence’s reported that she remembered his response to taunts about being gay – Lawrence said that it didn’t matter because “one day I’m going to be famous.” It saddens me that it was through his own death that Lawrence became famous.

It saddens me…and royally pisses me off.